**I wrote this many, many years ago and just came upon it tonight. My grandfather has now crossed over to the other side, as have many other family members and friends. My daughter is now well into her teenaged years, and I have even more grey hairs and wrinkles**
I am finding myself becoming more aware of time recently; my daughter is growing up noticeably faster, my grandfather is growing older considerably faster and I am finding more grey hairs and wrinkles everyday.
As I reflect upon the years that flew by I’ve also noticed a theme that runs through almost all of the good memories and especially the not-so-good memories; stress, anxiety and worry. It marred some of what could have been the most memorable moments, darkened my vision and weighed heavy upon my shoulders – and let’s be honest here – it still does from time to time. Some days are better than others, I try to remind myself that this too shall pass and I don’t mean just the anxiety but also the joyful moments, the 8 year old giggles and squeals of delight at a double rainbow, the comforting hug from the safety of Grandpa’s arms, the ease with which I can walk around the neighborhood, to the park or in the river with my daughter by my side.
You see I’ve come to realize that we grieve not only the loss of someone when they pass away but also throughout the many stages of life; we miss the days of peach fuzz covered bald heads and chubby little leg rolls, we reminisce of the days when they toddled about discovering the world around them, the first day of school, the last day of school…each stage is better than the last and yet never quite as sweet as the ones that came before.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t meant to be a sad post, bitter-sweet perhaps…a Chicago mix of popcorn if you will; you’ve got the sweet along with the salty (and a little cheesiness thrown in for good measure). It is a wake up call that I am hearing loud and clear; time to put the phone down, the device down, turn off the constant nattering in my mind and be present for this moment because this moment is my life.
Do you hear that call too?
It is a journey I am excited to take, a challenge I wholeheartedly accept and tonight when my daughter asked me to go chase the rainbows with her and find the pot of gold at the end I put a stop to the knee-jerk response of ‘no’ and ran out the door giggling along with her.
I don’t want to remember worrying about how the bills are going to be paid, or that the garburator needs to be fixed. Chasing rainbows, jumping on trampolines, running through sprinklers and watching as the clouds change shape with the breeze – -these are the memories I want to grab onto and never let go.
Till the next inspiration…
XO
Jillian
Soul Gazer 